Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The First Steps to Self Discovery

As promised, this post will cover the first things I discovered about myself.

I was watching Runaway Bride about this time last year. I had never seen it before, but I had been told a little about the plot. Basically, this woman has left several men at the altar because she doesn't know herself. The main guy of the movie figures this out about her. He asks each of her grooms how she likes her eggs; one says "the same way I do, scrambled," another says, "the same way I do, fried," this happens with all the grooms. This woman was so unsure of herself that she never took the time to really decide anything.

At first I thought it was silly that she couldn't say how she liked eggs, but then I realized that I wasn't so different. There were things about me that I had never figured out or decided. For example, I never made plans. I would purposely keep my day free of any plans other than school and work just in case my boyfriend suddenly had free time and wanted to spend it with me. This rarely happened. What did happen was that I sat at home bored out of my mind, thus being forced to watch movies by myself (Runaway Bride).

I didn't understand why my boyfriend (we'll call him Rex) always had other plans than spending time with me. He would plan to do things with his buddies. He started suggesting I plan things with my roommates because friends are vital to survival. I was a little annoyed at this but I soon relied on the times I spent with my roommates. I usually spent more time with them then I did with Rex, which at the time, I didn't think made any sense.

While I sat at home with nothing to do, I started realizing that I was wasting my time waiting. I was waiting for a text or a phone call that was never coming; I was waiting for something important to happen to me, but it never did. One day, it hit me that I could be doing productive things while I waited, things that would help me to improve.

And that started my journey. Stay tuned.

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